10 Tips for Easing Back to School Anxiety

Every year, summer seems to fly by. And before we know it, it’s time to start thinking about the school year.

While some students may feel excited for the upcoming return to school, others may begin to show signs of anxiety. Perhaps your child is starting at a new school, has had past academic difficulty, has struggled to make friends, finds parental separation challenging, or simply does not like change.

These are some signs your child may be experiencing back-to-school anxiety:

Increased irritability or angry outbursts
Seeming sad or frequent crying
Increased clinginess or difficulty with separation
Avoidance of tasks related to going back to school, such as refusal to do back to school shopping
Difficulty concentrating and increased restlessness
Changes in sleep habits, such as difficulty falling asleep or an increase in waking during the night
Sudden changes in appetite
Physical ailments (headaches, stomachaches, frequent complaints of tiredness, etc.) that are not explained by illness
Direct expression of worries (e.g., “What if I don’t know anyone in my class?,” “What if my teacher is mean?”)

If you suspect that your child may be feeling anxious about returning to school (or you just want to ensure that your child has the smoothest possible start to the school year) here are 10 things you can do to ease back-to-school anxiety:

1. Talk with your Child

This may sound basic, but it is the most important first step: ask your child how they are feeling about going back to school. Sit down with them in a quiet place and check in about their thoughts on the upcoming year.

Respect what they tell you and validate their feelings. Whatever they say - even if that’s, “I hate school!” – avoid judgment, acknowledge that this is how they are feeling right now, and let them know that it is okay to feel this way. Make sure they know that lots of kids have a hard time going back to school and that you are here to help them.

You can use this conversation as a basis for helping you decide which of the below activities might be most helpful.

2. Model Confidence and Calm for your Child

As parents, when our children are distressed, we are distressed. It is only natural as a parent to feel our children’s emotions deeply. This is only exacerbated when concerns are school-related since we know the importance of school in our children’s lives. That said, it is important to remain calm and positive in the presence of your child.

Here are a few ideas on how to model and calm and positive behavior during back to school discussions:

Let them know that you understand how they feel and are here to support them. Also convey to them that you believe that they can be successful and enjoy school.
On the first day of school, say goodbye to them cheerfully and do not prolong the goodbye.
Be kind but firm in communicating to your child that they are definitely going to school.

3. Provide Opportunities for Gentle Exposure to School

Exposing your child to the school building can help ease woes as things start to feel more familiar. Spending time with your child on their school grounds can build positive memories that your child will associate with going to school. Bringing your child to the school building will also give you a good opportunity to gauge the extent of your child’s nervousness about school and will naturally encourage them to be aware of and discuss their feelings.

Drive past your child’s school a couple of times a week and point it out to them.
If you live close enough, take a family bike ride to the school.
If the school grounds are accessible, take your child to play on the school playground and even take a picnic lunch.
If your child is new to the school or is particularly nervous about returning to school, contact the school to see if you and your child can tour the school, visit your child’s classroom, and perhaps even meet their teacher.

4. Develop a Routine for Success

The transition from summer to school can be very challenging for children and parents due to the dramatic shift in routine. In summer, many children have a very relaxed schedule with lots of free time and a later wake up time and bedtime.

Once school starts, they have to adapt to a more hectic lifestyle with less time for play. To make this transition easier, sit down with your child and create a daily schedule that works for your family.

Use pictures on this schedule so that your child can easily understand it. Hang it in a place where it is easy to see.
Make sure this schedule includes daily free play time for your child.
If you can, incorporate one or two fun things from the summer (e.g., popsicles on Friday nights, park visits on Wednesday afternoons, etc.) to retain a bit of that summer feeling all year round.
Once you establish what time your child will need to wake up, eat meals, and go to bed during the school year, begin working toward these gradually over the remainder of the summer so that it is not a shock when school begins.

5. Create a Vision Board

Children respond well to visual information. To help visualize a positive environment, create a back to school vision board.

Start by gathering art supplies and old magazines. Guide your child to think about what they like most about school and what they are looking forward to in the coming year. Draw and cut out words and pictures that reflect these ideas and glue them onto a poster board. Hang the finished board in your child’s room or another space where they will see it often.

The vision board can be a great tool for mindfulness. When your child expresses school-related worries, or you notice signs of anxiety, help your child to look at their board and focus on the positive aspects of school.

Mindfulness activities in general are great for reducing anxiety, school-related or otherwise. You can find other mindfulness activities for your child here.

6. Use Storytelling to Process Emotions

Stories are very useful in helping children process complex emotions. Books allow kids to reflect on feelings in an indirect way, which may take some of the pressure off them. Stories normalize experiences for kids, as they can see that other children go through the same things.

Write a story with your child featuring a student who is going back to school. This will allow your child to identify potential problems and obstacles and develop appropriate solutions ahead of confronting these situations in the real world.
Role-playing is a good variation on storytelling if your child is not a big fan of writing or needs something more active. Come up with different school-related scenarios that could arise and act them out with your child. This gives your child space to come up with effective strategies for solving problems. Allow your child to play different roles, including getting to be the teacher and the parent.
Read books to your child about school and back-to-school worries. In my house, when my kids are having a hard time saying goodbye before school, we love The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, about a racoon who must separate from his mother in order to attend his first day of school. We also like We Don’t Eat Our Classmates by Ryan T. Higgins, which is a very funny story about a dinosaur who must learn to get along with her human classmates. It’s a great lesson for children about treating their peers kindly. Reading together is always a great way to connect with your child.

7. Reconnect with School Friends and Support Social Skills

Often, children go the whole summer without seeing their classmates. Seeing friends is often one of the top things kids look forward to most about school. On the other hand, nervousness about making friends can be one of the biggest stressors. Ensuring your child feels confident about their relationships will help increase their enthusiasm about going back to school.

Set up playdates with one or two close friends to build relationships.
If you have a class list, suggest a class meet-up at a local park or playground so the whole group can get together in a low-key environment.
If your child is new to the school, see if the school might give you contact information for a few of your child’s classmates. If not, try reaching out on your community Facebook group to see if anyone might be available for a meet-up.
If your child has truly had a difficult time making friends, have them participate in a summer camp to help build social skills or see if there is a local social skills group available.

8. Address Academic Difficulties

Academic struggles can make school incredibly stressful for your child, and you might feel stressed too. Having a plan in place for academic support before school starts can make you both feel better.

If your child has struggled with just one or two subjects, look into tutoring options or see if your child’s teacher can offer a little extra attention to your child in these areas.

If the challenges are more global, consider contacting your school’s child study team to see if there are other options available to support your child. Above all, let your child know that you are there to support them and that you will work on this as a team.

9. Prepare for the First Day

Knowing exactly what to expect can help your child feel fully prepared and significantly reduce anxiety.

Have fun with your child choosing school supplies, lunch bags, and backpacks that will make them smile. Make sure they know where all their materials are.
If your child brings lunch to school, plan what they would like to have the first day or even choose a menu for the whole first week.
In advance, help your child choose a special outfit for the first day of school that will make your child feel comfortable and confident. If they wear a uniform to school, choose favorite accessories or a favorite hairstyle.
Ask your child if it would be helpful to keep a family photograph or other small memento in their school bag so that they have a tangible piece of home with them.
Leading up to school, do one or two run throughs of the morning routine for a school day, including driving to school or walking to the bus stop.

10. Celebrate the First Day

There is no need to save all the festivities for the last day of school – the first day is just as important! Give your child something to look forward to by planning a special celebration for the first day of school, such as a favorite dinner or a family movie night. Get your child’s help in planning this event. When they start to worry about going back to school, remind them of the enjoyable activity that awaits them at the end of the first day.

The return to school can be stressful but with a bit of planning, you and your child can reduce anxiety and make going back to school easy.

If your child is experiencing school refusal, anxiety that does not reduce over the first few weeks of school, or other symptoms of significant distress or reports that they have been a victim of bullying please consult your child’s pediatrician or a mental health professional.

10 Tips for Easing Back to School Anxiety